shit
nothing horrible has happened at all, but I can feel myself getting pulled in the wrong direction. everything' so frustrating, and I always talk about changing one thing or another to ease things up, but I never do anything. I have to get back on the right direction, but I feel like I'm stagnant, just standing in the middle of the stream like a rock. everyone else is moving along, but I'm stuck in the mud. I just want to run on an empty beach and SHOUT and have a perfect blue sky and be with myself and not even think, but just breath and relax. there are reminders everywhere around me about why I should be getting off my ass, and all these people doing so much, but I just feel like I can't-- that I'm unable to, that I'm lacking some sort of skill or some sort of competence to get through the easy crap everyone else does. all I do is worry about the little, unimportant things. I thought getting myself out of one mess would fix everything, but then I ran into more things, or maybe I just didn't realize how many freaking messes there were.